Operation Roxy - In Progress

Thursday, August 16, 2007

A Blurt It Out

I think maybe Jules is right. I have always shared everything on this blog. Good bad and in between and I haven't had time for it recently. So this is going to be a down post but it's a buildup of a few things that have me where I am.

First of all I am missing my boy like crazy! I was supposed to see him at the end of last month for a rally and we ended up hiring someone else to do it for us (big mistake in the end but can't fix that now) which means I don't get to see him again till the end of this month and there's no time to spend together during that as he has to come in the day of the rally and leave the moment it all finishes. It's just a bit frustrating.

Then I have been in so much pain with my feet and ankles since March or so. I have been seeing a Podiatrist and Physio since April and I'm still in lots of pain. I have paid out for Orthotics and various other treatments. And I've been at a deadlock for a couple of months now. I'm suffering constant pain which is with me always. I suppose this is the biggest one for me right now. The fact that we keep trying things that aren't working is annoying the crap out of me, and NO ONE understands the amount of pain I am constantly in.

Then I had a huge fight with my brother. It was just like old times. Just like why I moved out of here in the first place. The bit that hurts the most is not the bruises or the stuffed back. It's the emotional. The fact that I thought that we were finally past this crap and the fact that I thought we were actually mates. And then this. He obviously has no idea!

So I want to go home to Sydney and leave my brother and his BS behind (although he's gone back to being fine again as per normal until next time) and into the arms of my awaiting boy. HOWEVER I do not want to go home to my mother in law now or ever. It's worse than putting up with my brother in my books. At least it's good here when my brother is normal but its always walking on eggshells when I'm in Sydney.

I really need to stick out my time at work until I become a club manager also. Its a promise I made to my boss. It's a promise I made to myself in order to succeed in my career. But also and finally to be able to afford my OWN house in Sydney I need to succeed so none of this is an issue.
I have been offered a bed and a roof in many friends homes here if I need it. including my bosses. I have put a lock on my door so I can stay in my room when he's here. I have lots of options. I'm just pure lost. In so many areas of my life I feel like I have no real answers.

I am determined to succeed.

I am determined to be well.

Labels: Miscellaneous

Posted by Jadey :: 12:50 PM :: 13 comments